truth

All the truth out today..LOL..glad to be friend with her again..did really disappointed and sad about him..wa lan leh!!!

Well..skip the details..anyway~~friend forever and brother forever okayss??

Exams and 'O' level coming soon!!! good luck to everyone..hahas..

Gonna be single until i'm ready for a new one..=)..will move on so don't worry..



P.S. study important..but health more important..do take care..okayss...

* . *

doesn't feel sad but empty deep in my heart

realize the pain after whacking the wall so hard

my hands getting numb

my eyesight getting blur

my body getting cold

my mind and my heart are so empty

feeling lonely but have to smile

feeling empty but have to laugh

first tear sliding down from my face

drop on the keyboard

am ignore it and continue typing

one drop two drops three drops

i can't count it anymore

can't stop the tears

and i still have to type it down

my heart getting pain

little pain with lots of empty spaces

my hands getting numb

as i whack the wall too hard

after the pain

after the tear

i will pretend

pretend i don't know you

pretend there's nothing happen

pretend i don't love you

pretend to smile and laugh

pretend to be a bad girl

pretend to be strong

pretend to be happy without you

so..don't worry..

you're mean for her..

time to let go..

It's time to let go..it's time to return to her..force myself to smile infront of the person who i love so much..the first time i pretend infront of somebody..it's hurt..really hurt..but what to do..i have to let go one day isn't it..he belongs to her..he's mean for her not for me..

Won't be blog here for sometime..need to study for exams and clear something..hahas..



P.S. don't miss me here..=D

one last time (for my boy)

Boy..few days only..you've already make me forget about him totally..you hold my hands..kiss my lips gentlely..you give your shoulder which i can lying on..
I said,i don't believe in forever..you said,you will prove it..I said,i scare the feeling of leaving..you said,you will never leave me..I asked,do you like me?..you said,you love me..You are so gentle and special,perfect and cute..
Can i believe in forever for the one last time??can you protect my heart..love me and trust me..please don't ever leave me or hate me..Can i have the happiness for the one last time??please let me be myself without pretending infront of you..even if i have to hurt her..i still want to be a little selfish..have you to be my only boy without sharing with others..that's why i'm willing to wait for you to leave her..
Because of you..my selfish mindset is forgiven..my childish acts are protected..those painful heart are heal..i'm a bitch yet you still accept it..You forgive my mistakes,accept my past,heal my painful heart and protecting me..

Thank you for accepting a sinner like me..

Thank you for falling in love with me..

Thank you for showing your care for me..

Thank you for doing so much things for me..

Thank you for meeting me..

Thank you for talking to me..

Thank you for staying by my side..

Thank you for making me feel your love..

Thank you for being my only one..

Thank you for proving the forever..

Thank you for making me believe in love..once again..

Thank you for making me thinking of you..

Thank you for stealing my heart..

Thank you for letting me snatch your heart..

Thank you for holding my hand..make me feel secure..

Thank you for hugging me..make me feel the happiness..

Thank you for kissing me gentlely..make me feel how important i am..

Thank you..and i love you..and i miss you..

P.S. boy..you're my only one for now and i hope that you will really be my future husband..i give all my heart to you..=)

falling in love with you ONLY!!!!

I need someone who can love me back when i love him..
I want someone who can trust me in a relationship..
I want someone who cam protect me-i'm not that strong as i show to everyone..
I want someone who can lend me the shoulder whenever i need-i'm tired of crying alone..
I need a hand which can clear away my tear-i have much tears to drop
I need someone who can be there for me always-i will be here for him too..

Everything seem to be so difficult to fulfil,everything just going to the wrong way..=(

I've found the person who can love me back when i love him..
I've found the person who can trust me in a relationhsip..
I've found the person who can protect me ..
I've found the person who can lend me the shoulder whenever i need..
I've found the person who can clear away my tears and my fears..
I've found the person who can be there for me always..

Everything seem to be so easy to fulfil..everything just going to the smooth way..=D

I spent a long long time to forget about the bastard,yet it doesn't work..i don't believe in those words like "forever" or "last long"..however..within three days..he made my mind only think of him at all time..and i decided to believe in those words one last time yesterday..i hope i made a right choice this time..i hope i won't get hurt again..i hope this relationship can be really forever last long..because it is not a PUPPY LOVE!!..it actually took me a long time to bring myself to talk to him and all these things..
I want to treasure him..i'm willing to wait..i don't want to hurt him..i love him really much..even if we have to hurt someone else soon..

God..
please allow me to remain coma if all these things are dream..if i have to lost him one day..please wake me up before i lost him..
please allow me to have a long life time if all these things are reality..if i have to lost him one day..please make me sleep and remain coma before i lost him..
He's not the first person i seriously in love with..but he change me alot..he's too speical compare to other guys..i love him so much..
He's the first person who hold my hand after the bastard..he's the first person who kiss me made me happy after the bastard..he made me believe in those words again..he made me live in "sweet dream land"..



P.S. If i have a wish..i will wish that i could be with him forever last long..if i have two wishes..i will wish that i could hold his hand and kiss his lips forever..if i have three wishes..i will wish that i could have him,love him and miss him for the rest of my life..

fall for someone..

Today..i broke up with my boyfriend..he was angry at me for telling the class about our relationship..before i told the class..he was angry because some friends were talking about me and Clement..i wanted to make him happy therefore i told the class about the relationship yesterday..and he angry because of this..WTH????!!!!

Today..i treat my friends drinks during recess..because yesterday was my birthday..muahahh..

Ok..let's back to the topic..i fall for someone..someone who has already have a girlfriend..so i chose to asked him to be my brother instead..at least i could have reason to be close to him and care for him anytime..

I hope he would never know how much i feel about him..at least his girlfriend is better than me..in everyway..prettier than me funnier than me and nicer than me..=)



P.S. God..even thought i'm not ready for a new relationship yet..but please allow me to love the person secretly..=)

my birthday..

First of all..thanks to Wai Kian,Kenny,Ella,Kenton,Hui min,Sin Yee,Danial,Jiayan,Sabri,Denise,Nicholas,Johnathan,Wan,Nabil,Nisa,Zinc,Mich and Clement..thanks for the birthday wish message that you all sent me..i'm happy to received it from you..especially from Nabil,Dan,Clement,Johnathan and Sabri......

Today..i purposely late for school..wanted to make all of my friends worry..LOL..however..i cried..they sang happy birthday song to me when i entered the class..and gave me birthday presents..i really felt touch and cried..

Denise..thanks for the sweet and wishes..hope you could continue to find the evidence..Mich..thanks for the cake..it taste nice..i love it..Nigel and Haresh..thanks for the doll..it's really cute and i like it..Nisa..thanks for the brackle..it's really nice and pretty..Johnathan..thanks for the bottle and letter..it's really nice..Sheila..thanks for the present..its colour really nice and cute..Wan..thanks for your present too..even thought it is quite simple and cheap..but it is what i need for my life as a student..

Nabil!!!..I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU NEVER BUY!!!YOU LIED TO ME!!..i don't care liao..you're mine!!!!!!..hehe..anyway..i like the ring very much..thanks ar bi..^^..muacks..love you..and you're missed!!!!..

Phone..thanks for blanjai me makan during recess..Balaji..lol..thought you want to give me birthday batch?(whatever spelling la)..really happy today..



P.S. memories are back..i hope i could create more memories to let go the memories again..the person..phone number is 919955** de..thanks for your wish even thought the message you sent yesterday quite irritating..hahas..

Birthday Wishes:
-I wish he could found his true love
-I wish he could be happy without me
-I wish i could be happy without him
-I wish he will never turn back to me again
-I wish i won't get hurt again
-I wish i made a right choice this time
-I wish everyone will pass their end of year exam and 'o' level
-I wish everyone would be happy at all time
-I wish 3 Marskaters will be brother forever
-I wish Dan and Aminah last long
-I wish Fir and Crystal last long too
-I wish hara,Wan,Bil,Dan,Mus,Ilyas and me will be brother forever
-I wish everyone's dreams come true one day
-Last but not least..i wish i would have beautiful memories with my boy..

wa lan leh..

Today first day of term four..guess what??..I WOKE UP LATE AND HVE DETENTION ON WEDNESDAY!!!..wa lan leh..am i that poor thing??!!! haiyoyo..

Bio lesson..teacher didn't come..so have to do worksheets in class..whole class having maths lesson together..what teacher teach today was already taught..haiz..poor thing sia the Ms Zhang class pupil..doesn't know anything abour frequency..ahaha..na bei leh POA teacher late for lesson anyhow scold us somemore..

CHinese lesson quite ok la..lol..haha..today geography lesson seems to be fun a little..LOL..



P.S. birthday coming soon..wondering who is/are going to sabo me in school and after school..@@

feeling happy..

Reach home quite early today..(just reach home..lol)..went to Bugis and Orchard with Clement,Johnathan,Kenton,Bryan,Marcus and Kenny..well..kenny didn't go to Orchard with us as he have to work..anyway~

I saw Kenton jumped onto Johnathan,Clement and Bryan's back..i felt like want to do it too..so Kenton,Clement and Johnathan carried me..

I feel so high when Kenton carried me..(eh..not "that kind" of high ar..)..but i felt scare when Johnathan carried me as i scare that i might fall down..LOL..however..i feel safe when Clement carried me..the only thing i wanted to do when he's carrying me was SLEEPING!!..lol..seriously damn super comfortable..

Kenton tok my cap and Clement wear my cap today..Oh My God!!.. Clement was so cute when he's wearing my cap..oh~i think i will sleep with my cap tonight..hahas..

Clement Really cute..he's so cute and so charming..lol..he's not a smoker..hmm..IF he's my boyfriend..i will comfirm quit smoking..die die also must quit..lol..if he's my boy la..LOL..oh..missing Clement..oops..shh...

Holiday went out over night for four or five days..really happy..because Clement was there..hahas..but too bad..yesterday bryan can over night at his house and i can't..*jealous*..

Monday school start again..i will miss him really much..



P.S. Clement good luck for ur "O" level..and don't forget..you're the cutest boy in the world..^^..hope you can get into some good poly..^^..good night and sweet dream everyone..

thanks

Yesterday really thanks to my brother,Clement,Johnathan,Bryan and Kenton,i was really happy and touched..even thought it's just a small cake..i believe tht Marcus feel the same way as me..YOU GUYS ARE RCOKING MY LIFE!!!
Althought my birthday is next thursday and Marcus birthday is on next monday,but it really touched my heart and i'm really happy to have meet you guys..=)..

*****************************************************************

Yesterday my brother,Kenton,Clement,Bryan and Johnathan kepthaving "meeting" when we were walking or shopping,but didn't tell Marcus and me what they were discuss about..
We had pasta as our dinner,Bryan and Clement went off,then the rest go off too left me and Marcus there..afterwards Bryan and Kenton came back and bring us to meet the rest..when we went to upstair..i saw Johnathan,Clement and my brother stand in a circle..when Marcus and i reaching towards them..Johnathan turned around and they sang happy virthday song to Marcus and me..we were so touched..hehe..i almost cry actually..however they started to bully Marcus when Marcus and i enjoyed our cake..well..that makes me laugh..haha..the cake really nice..
After we finish the cake..my brother and Bryan want to sabo me with the dry ice on my face..lol..i think i accidentally steped on Bryan's shoes when i tried to escape..LOL...sorry Bryan..
Yesterday reached home quite early..was about 12midnight something..when i reach home..i do the housework after bath...slept around 5.30 this morning..woke up by my mom's call at around 9 o'clock..hehe..



P.S. Clement really cute sia..hehe..Johnathan and Kenny are the best kor kor i ever have..Kenton,Bryan and Marucs are rocksss!!!..

oh my god..

Today went to queensway shopping centre with my boy and my brothers..to accompany fir and dan buy present for their girlfriends..
Went to a shop..my boy asked me what kind of ring i like..i showed him the ring i like the most..then he straight away buy it sia..

*eh boy..i'm dumb..but i'm not dumb until that can't even realize that you've just bought it..*

I felt a bit touch sia..>//<..first time got a guy buy me thing straight after i said i like it..however..i think it's my birthday present..oh..i think i should bring lots of tissue next thursday..in case i really feel touch and cry..>//<..




P.S. boy..even thought we just start..but i'm really happy to have you with me..you're really nice to me..i hope we could have lots of good memories..^^..love you and miss you..^^

back2..

Friday:
Went to army open house with Mich and her friends..but she bang seh me half way..left me with her friends..however we talked alots..lol..really happy-ed..
When i was walking home..i saw him walking towards my direction..i looked to the ground..tried to pretend he wasn't there..when i turned back and looked up..he did the same too..i smiled and waved at him..he did the same too..i turned back and walked few steps then stop and turned back again looked at his back..when he went up to the MRT station..i start to walking back home..then went to find mich and cried damn out loud infront of her..hope she don't mind anyway..i wished i could moved on..that night..all the memories are back and that's so beautiful..he was ONCE mine..

Saturday: went out with friends until Sunday morning 4plus..
Well..i was enjoyed lots of fun..until i realize that i like somebody..i think it will be the one last time to go out with them..haiz..i am ready for a new relationship yet i have lose two friends just because i like that person..argh!!!

Sunday:
I've hurt my friend alot..i've been a heartless person throught the messages..since i rejected him makes him so heart broken..then i think it's better not to meet out anymore and let him hate me forever..



P.S. SHIT!..i will wait till my birthday then..!!!

风筝。断了线

风筝。断了线

词：Bevawa

日复一日 年复一年

一如往常的不安

此刻变得显眼

泪水渐渐盖住视线

原来没有你的瞬间

是这么的痛苦不堪

离开你之后的日子

情绪一直起伏不定

一段小小的争执

成了想你的回忆

风筝 断了线

诉说着对你的思念

所有的不安情绪

随着风 飞到你那里去

风筝 没了线

你不会回来我身边

回忆一幕幕浮起

我的心 又偷偷的想你

口口声声说不离开我

明明说好永远

你却不守诺言

说好会牵我的手

答应要守护我

最先离开的却是你

风风雨雨 都曾面对

即使伤痕累累

也要坚持守护那珍贵

建强忍住那滴泪

不愿成为命运的傀儡

你却让我崩溃 心碎

风筝 断了线

试着催眠倒退时间

你的身影在眼眶

随着类 划过了脸庞

风筝 没了线

你不在我身边

没人告诉我怎么笑

天空中 风筝随风飘

离开 是不得已

等待 是个约定

回忆 是思念你的理由

断了线的风筝 随着微风

将这首歌传到你心中

对你的思念 感受得到吗？

对你的亏欠 可以原谅吗？

对你的爱情 可以继续吗？

对你的心意 可以感觉吗？

自私的我可以继续偷偷喜欢你吗？

P.S. damn it..i still love him.....argh!!!!

eh.....

Mich got fever in the morning..so she didn't come to school today..haiz..must take care ya````
Hahas..CHANDRA WU!!who say girls cannot use guys' perfum ar??adidas is not mean for guys only wan..girls also can use..hahas..

Well..back to the diary part..today is my father's birthday..i message to him to wish him happy birthday..he sound happy..and happy birthday in advance to my little brother-Imran..=D..sorry ar..this year no birthday present as i have to wait until Oct then can get my pocket money..><..

Hmm..i use to hate-d my father alot..as he cheated on my mom last time..and he hurt me alot in both physical and emotional..he change-d me into a different person from the original..and i hate that kind of me..

However..it's no use to hate him for the rest of my life already..isn't it?..no matter how long i hate him and curse him..he will always be there care for me and love me even thought he's not here with me..

He's the only person who forgive me for my mistakes..he always be there for me..i love him..yes..i love my father..my only dearest father..



P.S. Daddy..happy 43 birthday..daddy thanks for everything you've done for me..if not you..i think i won't be so trong now..if not you..i think i will cry for nothing easily..daddy..i miss you..daddy..i love you..i will be strong..because i believe that if i break down one day..and i turn back to the old place..you will be there wait for me..thanks daddy..thanks for everything..you will be my daddy always..^^..promise me MUST be happy..please don't hrut the one you love if you found one one day..

T.T

Yoday after school was hanging around with Dan,Bil,Mus,Ilyas,Fir and two sec2 boys..

Fir asked me what if Sab want me back..my answer was "wait until my birthday lor"..

Just now..i msg to Fir that if Sab want me back seriously not for fun..I'm willing to be his baby girl again..but the fact is that he really have no more feeling for me..

I've delete his number and his pictures..from now on..he's only my classmate..but don't expect me to talk to him for whatever reason..i won't even say "hi" to him..everything i know about him is that he's Sab from 3/4..that's all..



P.S. Please be kind and accept it before it's too late if i show my attitude..

huhuhu

WTH!!!..busy for alot of things sia..make mi can't spend time with my friends..><..well..church stuffs really quite alot..haiz..

Recently..i've been a weird person..going to toilet pee for many many time in the middle of the night..really can't sleep in the night..however i could sleep for quite a long time in the morning and afternoon..i could sleep whenever i do whatever stuffs..haiz..

Damn it..i really get piss off damn easily..haiz..i just don't know why..hoe i wish i would know..

I think i really like kids so much..i get excited whenver i past by the shop for kids..i mean those shops which selling kids' clothes and toys..=D..

OMG!!..am i so excited to be a mother????..LoL..well..still have a long way to go..hahs..

Got a good new!!..my eyesight is decresing instead of increasing..hahs..yesah!!!..well..i just doing what i should do..hahas..and my sister's eyesight is increasing..lol..see la!!..want to play computer more than me??go ahead!!..LoL..



P.S. tomorrow is the one last chance..giving up after that..=)