silent break...

This whole week is like damn funny and quite stupid..Monday i came to school but haraboy didn't come..tuesday i MC but haraboy come..if i listen to doctor that MC two days..i think i won't get to see him on wednesday..then Thursday and Friday he didn't come also..

Well..i'm tired of it actually..didn't contact me at all..what the hell sia..hmm..so if next week i only get to see him for less than three days..i think i gonna silent break with him..because he's like showing that he still have feeling for her..i don't want to force him to like me..and i think it's better for us to be friend..at least we got lots of stuffs to talk when we are friend..=)

P.S. haraboy..maybe we aren't mean to be together..

it shouldn't end..

Things shouldn't end without my permission..it shouldn't end this way..it shouldn't end now..

Aren't we had promised each other forever? aren't we promised to wait? aren't we promised we'll fulfil it? aren't things go smoothly? but why things change so sudden??

Today i read FF's blog and tried to find out what is going on from XB..heard that FF fought with XW just because of vulgarities..it's like..what the hell??? we talk to each other with vulgarities for so many years..there's nothing wrong right?? it's like vulgarities is part of our communication..but why XW just get angry because of it..somemore FF was scolded someone else with vulgarities..and that someone is some idiot who dare to slap XW on the bus..an idiot stranger who we don't really know who the hell is that..

FF and XW has been friend for Six years..i believe that they know it..three of us has been friends for six years..please don't ask me to help any one of you as i don't want to hurt both of you..what i want is just so simple..i want both of you to patch..don't waste the friendship..keep the promises still and let things back to normal..ok?? we had many quarrels when i was still in Taiwan..yes..we've broke up for so many times..however we patch up at last isn't it? so i hope both of you do the same as what i did with FF/XW last time..broke up? never mind..patch up and make things start all over again and back to normal..=)


P.S. haraboy..got math test coming soon..remember to study hard..i miss you..^^

in the process of..

I'm in the process of quit smoking..few days never smoke..does really feel unwell and lost of control..as in a way that i gone crazy..i just get excited and happy suddenly..but when i calm down i relize how tired am i after being "crazy"..

LoL..it's really quite tiring when i keep laughing..even thought i feel sad whenever i think about my friends..i laugh when i happy..i laugh when i sad..i laugh when i angry..trying to cover the dark side of me..it's really super tired..

I'm in the process of going throught some problems..it's two weeks plus already..but i still cannot gte rid of this accident from my mind..i always dream about the past with all my friends every nights..i can't stop thinking about their laughter,voice and everything..they are so important to me that i still can't accept the fact..

I drew a pic..a girl which is me..was smiling but tears dropping while looking at the broken cross under the eclipse..cross will never break..ya..it's true..but my heart can break..isn't it..

I am angry with my life as i've made a lot of wrong choices and done a lot of wrong things..

I am happy with my life as i've met true friends and we're so important to each other..

I am feeling sad with my life as i couldn't protect anyone who is important to me..

I feel guilty with my life as i didn't treasure myself that much..i always put others before me..my life isn't important at all..the world will still running even if i die..

Well..what can i do even thought i know all these things?..i can't change isn't it..i am who i am..i can't change..what's done has done..no one can change it..


P.S. haraboy..i miss you again..

Eclipse

Yesterday got eclipse..anyone saw it???

hehehaha..

well..i'm am not the one who took this picture..

this is from my friend in taiwan..

he know i will love this lotssssssssssssss..

well..here's our conversation..^^..

our conversation was in chinese..

i've tried my best to translate into english..>v<

JYX: did you see the eclipse this morning?

Stella: no..><..i got detention for the whole day..

JYX: indoor de ar?

Stella: no..outdoor..but then the sky doesn't change..but the weather super cool de say..

JYX: oh..you like it?

Stella: i was so excited to see it for the whole night and morning you know!!!!

JYX: hahas..told you come back to taiwan ma..

Stella: why?i told you i will go back when it's time for me to go back..=)

JYX: i went to shen mei primary school this morning..

*shen mei primary school was my primary school too* ^^

Stella: oh..so???what's your point??

JYX: we are so lucky!!..we saw the eclipse you know??!!

Stella: >"<..unfair la!!..what kind of brother are you sia!!..never buy me ticket to go back..

JYX: hahas..i took a picture of it..you want?

Stella: don't want..i want to take the picture myself..

JYX: hahas..but have to wait for a long time wor..

Stella: argh!!..don't want..you turn back the time la..hahas..

JYX: wei! i am human ok..i don't know how to turn back the time..

Stella: chi..not fun la you..

JYX: you sure you don't want the picture?

Stella: don't want..

JYX: sure?

Stella: hmm... ... ... ... ... ...

JYX: ok la ok la..i send you right now..

Stella: hehehe..you still can read my mind..

JYX: how long do we know each other le?

Stella: primary one the first sight..^^

JYX: =//= i mean "know" not "crush"..!!!!!

Stella: oh..hmm..i think is after summer holiday..

JYX: how long le ar?

Stella: hmm..years..

JYX: ya la!!..we know each other for so long..you think i still cannot read your mind??

Stella: hehehe..

JYX: by the way..

Stella: ya?

JYX: i'm still finding the picture..

Stella: *angry* so long?? don't trick me ar..never take say never take la..

JYX: shut up! King Kong!!

Stella: = =..

JYX: ok ok..don't angry..

*i closed the window and stop chatting with him..*

JYX: i found the picture..

Stella: =)..=D..finally!!

*he sent me the picture and we start our conversation again..*

the rest of the conversation are private..

hehe..by the way..

the eclipse really nice huh..

muekekeke..

i hope i could see it myself one day..=)

happy that he still can read my mind..

lol..

P.S. i hope haraboy can see it too..i want to show him the picture too..^^..lotss people saw it and say it's nice..OF COURSE la..LOL..

NAFA test 2.4km

NAFA test got position 30 seh..should be pass i think..haiya..tomorrow see the result will know liao..hehe..

I hope i pass..because i've put in lots effort..didn't smoke for about a week..didn't eat much before the test..didn't drink much before the test..and my useless left leg was "being naughty"..

This morning my left leg went numb suddenly when i was walking down the staircase to the bus stop taking bus to school..i fell down..= =..stupid me right?~~~

Today during recess..i went back to class to take my maths homework..and my left leg numb again..really quite stupid right?

During PE..kena bullied by a sec one boy name E something..he's my sister's primary school class-mate..he said wanted to pass me the ball..when he came to me..he just threw the ball far away and said,"go pick up doggy"..i was angry and chased after him after i picked up the ball..however my left leg numb again..so prevent falling down make teacher and friends worry..i stop running and tried to use right leg to hold on to it..= =..

When i run the 2.4..i think the 4th or 5th round..my left leg numb again when i decided to speed up..i almost fall down seriously..but luckily i stepped out the right leg and started to walk..however i realize that my heart couldn't take it..so i tried to calm myself down and let my stupid left leg get back normal again..

Well..just hope that my left leg will be "guai" and i could pass my 2.4..=)..


P.S. haraboy never come to school today..wawagirl missing him so much..=(..but i did pay attention in class wor..^^

smoking..

Today someone asked me that why i like to smoke..there should be at least one reason for me to smoke..i smiled say nothing..but in my mind..i kept asking myself why..

Oh..i cried..because it's part of the memories..part of the past..part of the beautiful memories..

Because of smoking..i understand what's friendship..i believe in forever..i found true friends..and most of the memories with them are smoking,fighting and drinking clubing..

When i tried to quit..i posted it on my wretch..they read it and kept giving comments saying that i have give up on them,give up the dream and give up everything..it's better if i die..

I feel happy everytiem when i smoking..because it makes me think of them and the memories get clearer and clearer..

I don't really want to quit smoking as it means that i have to give up on them..

But because of today incident..i think i really need to quit smoking as it is not good for my health..if i quit..i could save enough money as soon as possible to go back to taiwan meet all of them and fulfil our dream..=)


P.S. haraboy didn't come to school today..wondering if he's fine..miss you the whole day..

haiyo...

Sunday Michelle say so..Just now..my brother - danny say the same thing too as he saw the pictures in his handphone..damn it!!!..is he trying to confuse me????????..or trying to be a "hero"????????!!!!!..

Oh gosh!!..

If U still like me..

then i dare you!!!

do something to win me back!!!

if U don't like me anymore..

then don't make people think another way!!!

i don't know how many people has think that way..

but please just be more mature!!!

and make ur own decision this time!!!

如果時間可以倒回去

如果時間可以回到小學

我會選擇留下來

這樣的話

我就不會想他們想到發瘋了

如果時間可以回到小學四年級初次與他相遇

我會選擇接受他

這樣的話

我們或許就有永遠了

如果時間可以回到當初在地鐵站愛上他的時候

我會選擇把愛隱藏在心里

這樣的話

至少現在的我們會像朋友般的說話

如果時間可以回到見不到他的假日

我會選擇自動去找他

這樣的話

我們就不會分開

他就不會感到沒安全感了

如果時間可以回到當初他對我說他愛我的時候

我會選擇緊抱著他一輩子不放開

這樣的話

我們就不會變成陌生人了

如果時間可以倒回去

一切就會不一樣了

如果我可以

可是我不行

這就是為什么我這么愛Hara

即使我不知道我們會在一起多久

我還是情不自禁地愛上他

一天比一天

還要深 還要痛

可是

還是比不上對Sabri的心

我

快要

崩潰了

我

還深愛著Sabri

但也愛著Hara

if i could turn back the time when...

If i could turn back the time when i was still in Primary school..i would choose to stay with them..so that i won't be so sad and missing them like hell now..

If i could turn back the time when i met him the first time..i would choose to accept his love and be with him no matter what..so that we could make the forever come true..

If i could turn back the time when i fall for him at the MRT station..i would choose not to confess to him..so that at least we still could talk like a friend now..

If i could turn back the time when i can't meet him during the June holiday..i would choose to go to his place and visit him..so that we won't be apart and he won't feel insecure..

If i could turn back the time when he told me that he love me..i would choose to hold him tight and never let go..so that we won't be stranger now..

If i could turn back the time..everything would be different..if i could..but i can't..that's why i love my boy so much even thought i don't know how long will we be last..



P.S. hara-boy..i miss you soo much right now..are you doing the same thing too??..=)..wish to see you tomorrow..you are the only reason for me to go to school..=D

@@

Today met Michelle after my curia meeting in St. Peter and Paul Church..we went to smoking and talking about our boyfriends..and suddenly we just talked about Sabri the stupid boy..

She told me something about Sabri..it does made me fucking shock to hell..i didn;t believe in the first place..untill she told me something more about him..i started to think back before and after we broke up and the time when i still with him..i told her about what happened when we still together..

Well..she know Sabri since primary school..so i think what she've just said should be true..hmm..and what can i say now?speechless ok~...my mind just gone blank..

I don't believe in some words like "last long" or "forever"..right now..from now onwards..what i believe is that if we are destined to be together..we will be..so what i want to have in a relationship is just a few memories...

So..Hara and i..i don't expect us to be together forever..but to make as many memories as we can..

About Sabri..i really have nothing to say..are we mean to be together?..not sure..there's still something call "future"..future..who knows???..


P.S. boy..i missing you right now..i hope i can see you tomorrow..

haiyoyo..

Jesh went to told my crush that i like him sia..i felt damn pai seh to stay in class..so i kept going to toilet during english lesson with Michelle..went to toilet do nothing..argh!!Jesh told me that my crush was kind of shock when he heard it..and my crush told Jesh that tomorrow will give the answer..well..he likes someone else already..so i think it's impossible between my crush and me..

I'm serious to that person when i told my brothers that i like that person..and i've already told Bil,Dan and Jesh..so i'm serious to him..but since there's impossible..i will asked him to pretend didn't hear anything from Jesh..and i will pretend that i like him as a brother..

Dan's mom called me..asking me about what had happened yesterday..oh!..she's going to school tomorrow and Bil's parents also..well..it doesn't matter for me..i got a criminal record already..police there also got my name already..so i don't really care that much..anyway..i gona quit smoking liao as i've made a promise with Mr Foo..haiz..that's one thing that i don't like myself..ALWAYS KEEP THE PROMISES WHENEVER I MAKE PROMISES TO PEOPLE!!..argh!!..

Just pray and hope that everything is fine tomrrow..><..

P.S. must start to be a good girl again..don't want to disappoint more people...

P.S. just received a message from my crush..o0pz..shoud say..message from my boyfriend..=D..you know~i know~everybody know~

criminal record....

Today after school went to Bukit Merah with my crush..

shh..i shall not say who is my crush..LoL..

we went there to buy something and have lots of conversation..

by the way..there's four of us including me..

not only my crush and me wor..haha..

then my crush said he need to rush home..

so left me and ZJesh there..

after we finish our stuffs we went to the bus stop together..

i told Jesh that i got crush on _____..

he was quite a shocked..

but he said that _____ not bad..

hahas..of course la..my taste leh..keke..

I took 196 to go home..

Jesh took 175 back to clementi as he live near the school..

WoW..so now only Bil,Dan and Jesh know who is my crush..

hahahahah..

LoL..dumb day..

Today after school like so fucking hell..

jsut forgot to bring book one nia..

then kena stay back do nothing until 3pm..

wa lao..so damn sian lor..

go up and down tried to tired myself out..LoL..

After 3pm Hara and i go off together..

we were going to his place buy ciggrette..

Frederick followed us from staff room to the jeneral office..

he was like damn bloody hell stupid..

he was asking Hara and i which toilet we are going??!!!

..!#$%^&..

we just ignore him and faster walked off..

Hara had one stick of ciggrette..

so before we taking bus to his place..

we went to 601 and share the ciggrette and talking lots of stuffs..

shh..it's our secrets..=D..

When we were walking to the lobang..

Hara's friends saw us..i run when i saw Hara run..

so i didn't know why were we running from his frends..= =..

I was wearing a mini skirt..

i run until the skirt was totally "up"..

so i run to a place which no people go one..

and pulled down my skirt..

his friends was behind me..@@

His friends kept saying that i'm Hara's girlfriend..

What the hell seh..

Hara my brother only ma..

they took pictures of Hara and I..

and wanted me to say,"i love Haravind"..= =..

but i said,"i love Hara as a friend"..

thought they might stop..

but things seems getting wrong..haiz..

I bought four packs of ciggrette..

one for Hara..one fore Ella and two for me..

LoL..i really heavy smoker ar..

LoL..damn dumb dumb me..=)

Oh yeah..today didn't get to see my boy..

as i forgot about the "date" with him..

hope he won't angry..

hehehe................

fucking tiring weekend..

Saturday woke up damn early by my mother without any reason..she woke me up because she was boring..what the hell..= =#

My hamster passed away..so we went to singapore river before my tuition starts..we went there to throw the hamster into the sea..we walked for so long..then my mom decided to put it beside a tress..because hamster does not know how to swim..= =``

I thought my math tuition teacher would be a guy..so i was thinking of flirting him..LoL..joking joking..well..my maths teacher is a poly student..she taught me indices because she likes it..it's so damn easy to count without working..yet she give me homework expect me do it with working..it's so hard for me to do the working man..LoL..>v<~

We went to Clementi..the old house to clean the rest of the stuffs after my tuition end..we cleaned it until around 12midnight!!!!!!!..what the fuck..by the time when we reach home it's already 1 something which i would say "good morning" instead of "good night" to my mom and Sheila before sleep..@^@~

Becase i was so hungry..so i cook noodle to eat..off the light around 2am something..but it was so hot that i couldn't sleep..i woke up wash my face with cold water and ice in the frige..by the time i went to the dreamland was already 4am something..=v=..

And today sunday i have to go to church as usual..my mom woke us up at 7.15am..so we quickly woke up and wash up..because the mass starts at 7.30am..i was too rush that i wore the wrong dress to church..= =!#$%&..

I was fallen asleep during mass..but woke up suddenly when i realize my bra drop down..so i zip up my jacket..trying to cover it until the mass end..then i went to toilet and adjust it..it's so what the hell..=0=!!!

And now i've just reach home after meeting..later have to be at St. Theresa's Church at 1.30pm..argh!!!..it's like so damn fucking hell busy..it's driving me damn super fucking hell crazy and tired man!!..@~@..

This is my decision..

LoL..i've a plan..well..it make me sounds like playgirl but i don't care..i mean it and i will do it..

If there's better guy confess to me..i will chose the new one and dump the old one..hahas..so anyone who want to be with me better get ready to get rejected or dump by me..

I'm really damn super fucking dangerous in a relationship..want me be serious?sure~no problem..if you are handsome/cute,rich and kind enough to my friends..i will serious to you..or else prepare for yourself first..hehe..

For me..friends are more important than boyfriend..brothers are more important than friends..so don't expect me to put you in a first position..

good plan..isn't it..

a new beggining..

Well..basically my new boy..my brother Nabil's friend fall for me..he got my number from Nabil..he sent me message and asking me for stead..i asked him some questions..then i told Nabil to asked him if he's serious..then he asked Nabil for help..he told Nabil that he's serious to me..well then i accept him lor..haha..

Therefore..i need Nabil..lol.. i mean i need Nabil to tell me more about my boy as i only met him one time..hehe..

I'm turning 16 this year..but my boy is sec one this year..he's my youngest boyfriend i've ever have..LoL..before him..Sabri was the youngest boyfriend i had..well..that's in the past..haha..

I hope that my boy really keep his promise..as he said that he won't hurt me..he won't make me sad and we will be last long..so i hope you do mean it ar..Abdul Halim..=D..

*can i say i'm missing you right now??*

funny huh..LoL..

Dear Sabri,
I don't really know how to tell you this,i'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it last year when you pee your pants in your car and I saw you sit on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Love your sweet, sweet ass and I'm scratching my butt as you read this.

Kiss my butt,
Stella

wana know how to write a letter?..click on the link

** http://www.wretch.cc/blog/xinyi1314/4638422**

LoL...

Today after school went to eat "chocolate" with Dan,Bil,Mus,Ilyas,Fir and Raj..quite a fun day actually..LoL..
We were chit chating happily together..then i asked Bil's friend..(don't know who the hell is his name)..to buy "chocolate" for me as my "chocolate" left three sticks..no enough for tomorrow..so he went to buy..but suddenly he shouted at us that got police at the carpark..Mus,Ilyas and Raj run damn fucking fast..Dan and i run half way..we suddenly remember that we forgot to take our bag..so i tied my hair and trying to look like a good student..so i walked back and take our bags..then Bil,Dan and i waiting for Bil's friend to come..LoL..

******skip the part when we were waiting..because quite long story..LoL..******

Dan called Mus..heard that they kena police asking..LoL..heng sia..lucky the "chocolate" with me seh..LoL..

****************************************************************************

Today really fucking sorry to pei yu..

because i shouted at her for no reason..

******************************************************************************

Today whole day can't stop of thinking of him..

as he left me alone so fast and so sudden..

i can't even have a chance to tell him what i wanted to tell..

i wanted to tell him that how much i treasure our memories..

i wanted to tell him that how much i love-d him that time..

i wanted to tell him that how much important he is to me..

i wanted to thank him for whatever he had done for me..

i wanted to thank him for always be there whenever i needed him..

i wanted to ask him to stay with me forever..

i wanted..i wanted..i wanted..

oh gosh..so many things i wanted to say to him..

but most importantly..

i wanted to say..

if i could turn back the time..

i would make a different choice..

so that we'll have a happy ending..

oh gosh..

now then i realize how important he is to me..

he was once in my heart..

and now..

he's staying in my heart forever..

things get worse..

About half an hour ago..i received a message from my friend..he wanted me to call him back..and i use house phone to call back to taiwan..well..it takes me a lot of time to use the card actually..here's our conversation while i chatting with Shidah..

Bevawa: 做么？
(ya?)
doggy: 有個消息啊、想知嗎？
(got a news..you want to know?)
Bevawa: 啥消息？
(what news?)

**heard someone or maybe somebody crying**

Doggy: 林醫說他可能隨時都會走、
(doctor lim said he might go at anytime)
Bevawa: 幹！騙人！
(fxxk!liar!!)
Doggy: 是真的..所以..
(really..so..)
Bevawa: 所以啥？
(so what?)
Doggy: 他說想說啥么就快說吧..多花點時間陪他..
(he said that say whatever we want to say to him..spend more time with him)
Bevawa: 他醒了？
(he's awake?)

**well..it does gave me some hope..but soon..disappointed come..**

Doggy: 沒、還在...昏迷..
(no..still..coma..)
Bevawa: 大概？
(how long can he last?)
doggy: 幾天...
(few days..)

**skip the part we cried and my friend passed the phone to the doctor**

Bevawa: 喂！姓林的我警告你！我雖然不在臺灣！但是如果...
(oii!! Lim!! i warn u ! althought i'm not in taiwan!! but if..)
Doctor: 小姐 請你冷靜好嗎？你是他的誰？
(miss please calm down ok..who are you?)
Bevawa: 我是他的..人啦！我警告你..如果他發生了啥么事.我就！
(i'm his..woman la!!..i warn u! if something happen to him..i will!)
Doctor: 接受現實吧..我們都已經盡力了..
(accept the fact ok..we did our best..)
Bevawa: 盡力個屁！你們做了啥么？等錢？等他死？？
(best ur head la!! what did you do? waiting for the money?? waiting for him to die??)

**then i had a big cried..my friends comforted me in the phone**

Bevawa: 對不起..讓我冷靜一下..好嗎？
(sorry..leave me alone ok?)
Doggy: 恩..對不起..
(ok..sorry..)
Bevawa: 對不起..我沒用..沒辦法陪在他身邊..
(sorry..i'm useless..can't stay by his side..)
Doggy: 對不起..不該讓你這么傷心..別哭了..
(sorry..shouldn't make u so sad..don't cry..)

So let me summarize the conversation..my friend..might go at any time..maybe tomorrow or tonight..or..later..but i am being so useless..i can't be there for him..what i can do is to take out all his pictures and everything he gave me..and keep recalling the memories..oh gosh..the memories is like so fresh..feel like i just get to know him yesterday..i miss him..really..i can't lost him..God..give me another chance..please.....

How i wish it could be a lie from my friends..how i wish they prank me again this time..since i know about it on tuesday..every morning when i woke up..i just keep telling myself that it's just a dream..nothing happen actually..but then..the message disappoint me..i deleted the message..thought of making myself feeling better..well..at least let me lie to myself..but i really not good at lying to myself..

I wish tomorrow when i wake up..everything is going to be fine...

a letter to God..

Dear God,

God..are you there for us?are you care for us the sinner?or you are just ignore us?..we know we've done a lot of wrong things..but that doesn't means that you can take our friend from us as you wish..you know what will happen to us if we lost him..right?

God..if you want to punish us..well..you did it..all of us are in a pain..and he's in a horrible pain too..so can you stop it and return him to us?..

God..if you are trying to test our friendship..the result has come out actually..we pass the test isn't it?..so can you end this test and let him back to us?..

God..father in heaven..in my heart..i believe that you always watching us..we grow up under your care..as a God..you should know and you can see that how important we are for each other..we can't lost any one of us or else we'll live in a horrible pain forever..as a human..my parents and teachers also can see how strong is our friendship..

God..you make us apart from each other..you separate us so far..but yet we still trying our best to live our life just for one reason.."we want to meet again and fulfil our dreams"..you know what is our dream..God..you know how important it is for us..God..so please don't break my faith to you..

God..i've hated you for so long..i've stop pray to you for so long as you has disappoint me so many times..but for this time..for my friend..for the dreams that we share together..i beg you and i pray to you..God..return him to us..don't snatch him away from us..please..don't make us give up on you..don't make me lost faith on you..

God..if you want..i can give up my life to you..i can use my life to change his life back..i want him to stay on and be happy..

God..if you doesn't want my life and also doesn't want to return him to us..then please..end this pain..stop make him suffer..i know it will make us heart broken and live our life in dark forever..but we want him to be happy..so if you want to take him please do so..as this is the only way to stop him from suffering..

God..i know we will break down and suffer if you take him away..but if you refuse to return him back..this will be the only way that can save him from the pain..i know i won't be able to find someone to cry on..i know i will be suffer alone since i'm the only one who leave taiwan amount my friends and might do some stupid stuffs to end my life..however..i'm willing to take the risk since you want it be like this..

God..please..i use this little faith pray to you..return him to us so that we can live happily..or take him away save him from the pain but make us live in pain forever..please..he's so important to us..please..

God..i can do whatever you want me to do..as long as he's happy..please..hear my pray God..please..i can't lost him..i want him to be awake!!..i want to receive the good news from my friends!!..please..not only me..all of us..we can't live happily without him!!!..you know that God!!..

So God..i hope you hear my pray..i hope you can do something..and i know you could..you know how important we are for us..you know how important the dream to us..you know how important the memories to us..you know how important the friendship to us..God..and you know we can't live happily without any one of us..we can'y live happily without the memories and the friendship..we has suffered a lots after i left..since that time untill now..we've suffer enough..

oh....

Saw their pictures today..was reading their blogs..haiz..time fly past..everyone has grown up and change a lots..everythings has change..but one thing still remain the same is the thoughts the dreams and the memories..we still sharing the thoughts the dreams and the memories together..althought we're far apart..

No matter how far we are from each other..cities..countries..or maybe just living in a different world..i believe that we'll meet again one day..we'll be together one day as long as we keep thinking of each other non-stop..God will give up and let us be together..at least we have the dreams and the memories to keep us moving on..isn't it??..

Well..why am i blogging with a serious tone..it's because of my friend..he still in coma..heard that they can't afford to let him stay in C.I.U..the hospital has change him to another cheap room which they can afford for few days only..haiz..what can i do since i can't be there for him?..just pray that they will have enough money for him to go under operation in few days??..

I suddenly feel that i am such a useless person as i can't be there when friends is in danger or trouble..or should say..i can't even see him when he's dying soon..all of us has already give up the hope..if this is a test to test our friendship..we've already pass..please let him awake or just end his pain..

We wanted him to awake..we wanted him to be health and laughing with us again..but now..we want him to die so that he won't suffer in this kind of horrible pain..he's in coma..but that doesn't mean he can't feel anything..so many needles on his hands his chests and his head..just have to imagine how pain will that be..

I really feel like want to turn back the time..let me be the one who got into the accident..be the one who is in horrible pain right now and bear the pain for him..but i can't do it..i am just a nomal human creature..i am not a God..i can't turn back the time..so..what can i do?complain to God?..will he listen?..or i just kill myself in order to change his life?..

my plan for future...

Today i msg him..i asked him if he really have no feeling for me..he said he think so..i told him i want a exact answer..if he really don't like me anymore..i will forget about him and find a better guy..then he said really no more..and so i cried and my heart was bleeding..

When i finished today's work(moving house =D..)..my mom brought my sister and i went to makan..and he sent me the last msg..well..at least i think it will be the last msg from him..because i've deleted his number..so at first i couldn't remember who the hell is him..then my sister told me is him..because she has his number..he sent,"ehk,u conferm ar about what u said?"..i didn't know what he means by "conferm" and "what u said"..then i asked him what i said..about half an hour later..something remind me about what i've sent to him in the previous msgs..so i msg him again,"oh~u mean the msg that i said i will forget about u n the feeling for u n find a better guy ar?..hmm..i'm not sure if i can but i will try.."..then i deleted his number again..i wish i will never ever remember him again..i mean i wish i will forget the memory..

By the way..I MOVE IN TO MY NEW HOUSE TODAY!!!..AT TANGLIN..=D..i wish i won't see him around here..althought he always hang around here..="=

cried....

Today recess i talked to mdm ow..i told her about what had happened to my taiwan friends..and my father called me when he knew how i felt..i was so happy to heard his voice again..his voice doesn't change actually..but i did cried too as i am soo worry about my friend..i cried infront of mdm ow..and she lent me her shoulder to cry on..hope her shirt won't get wet anyway..

I almost going to cry before i using the computer just now..as Crystal know something important about me and my ex..

I thought i have no feeling for him anymore since i'm TRYING to have a crush on somebody..but when Crystal asked me if i still love him and want him back..i silent awhile and asking myself if i still love him..oh yes i do still love him..but what can i do since he don't have feeling for me anymore?or maybe just say he doesn't love me at all..what for i want him back since he never ever trust me at all?

Between my ex and i..there's a fact..the fact is that i DO still love him..but he don't love me anymore..

I've tried to have crush on somebody in order to force myself to get rid of him from my mind..but i just can't do it..

Therefore..i decided to stop to get into any relationship now and future..i want to live the rest of my life myself..

But can i be a little selfish?..i would want to keep the feeling deep in my heart forever...

announcement!!

3 marskaters will be forever..=D

it gona be part of the memory..isn't it...

Yesterday..she told him that not to be too close to me as i might influence him to smoke..

well..i don't really want to say how i knows about it..

i've thinking about what she told him for few hours..(maybe)..

thinking back..she had already disappointed,angry and upset at him for many times..

so i decided to listen to her..

decided to become classmate like what we were in sec one tomorrow onwards..

decided stop to be brother or close friend tomorrow onwards..

stress..and..sorry..brother.....

Long time no seee....

Have been a long time never see my friends and buddies in taiwan..recently they've found me on wretch and added me..haha..didn't know that they're still remember me..i am so happy about that..

But one thing quite shocked is that he still can't get rid of me from his mind..that's the only thing that make me shocked and worried..because i've told him to get rid of me from his mind if he want to be friend with me and keep contact with me..oh gosh..

Well..knowing a lot of things from them too..bad news and good news..

Bad news:

-狒狒Feifei got into an car accident.. told him not to drive so fast liao..motor somemore..

-小瑋Wei caught by the police.. told him to be careful when he taking drugs sia..also told him don't anyhow fight with people le..

-小宗Zong kena burn by the fire.. told him MUST be careful when he's playing with the fire le..haiyo..

-瑄瑄Xuan kena suspend from school.. haiyo.. told him to quit liao le la..don't want to listen right?..now cannot go anywhere le hor..

-小犬Quan kena played by a girl in a relationship.. haiz..told him must see clearly before he woo someone right??!!

haiz..they always making me worry.. i don't know what should i do liao..not in taiwan somemore..


Good News:

-Noa get in for the singing competition..!!!.. hope to see him on TV soon..=)

-Mao have a good boyfriend = future husband.. congratulation mao..=D..must invite me to your wedding ar..hehe..

-Xiang has started to fulfiling his dream.. hope to see your art works on the shop one day..^^

happy for them..have a happy life..

but i'm still worry about Feifei n the rest..haiz..hope they can get well soon and everything going fine..=)..