buhbye

I'm no longer blog here but created another blog link..

ask me if you want my new blog link..

LoL..

buhbye!!!

*runn*

truth

All the truth out today..LOL..glad to be friend with her again..did really disappointed and sad about him..wa lan leh!!!

Well..skip the details..anyway~~friend forever and brother forever okayss??

Exams and 'O' level coming soon!!! good luck to everyone..hahas..

Gonna be single until i'm ready for a new one..=)..will move on so don't worry..



P.S. study important..but health more important..do take care..okayss...

* . *

doesn't feel sad but empty deep in my heart

realize the pain after whacking the wall so hard

my hands getting numb

my eyesight getting blur

my body getting cold

my mind and my heart are so empty

feeling lonely but have to smile

feeling empty but have to laugh

first tear sliding down from my face

drop on the keyboard

am ignore it and continue typing

one drop two drops three drops

i can't count it anymore

can't stop the tears

and i still have to type it down

my heart getting pain

little pain with lots of empty spaces

my hands getting numb

as i whack the wall too hard

after the pain

after the tear

i will pretend

pretend i don't know you

pretend there's nothing happen

pretend i don't love you

pretend to smile and laugh

pretend to be a bad girl

pretend to be strong

pretend to be happy without you

so..don't worry..

you're mean for her..

time to let go..

It's time to let go..it's time to return to her..force myself to smile infront of the person who i love so much..the first time i pretend infront of somebody..it's hurt..really hurt..but what to do..i have to let go one day isn't it..he belongs to her..he's mean for her not for me..

Won't be blog here for sometime..need to study for exams and clear something..hahas..



P.S. don't miss me here..=D

one last time (for my boy)

Boy..few days only..you've already make me forget about him totally..you hold my hands..kiss my lips gentlely..you give your shoulder which i can lying on..
I said,i don't believe in forever..you said,you will prove it..I said,i scare the feeling of leaving..you said,you will never leave me..I asked,do you like me?..you said,you love me..You are so gentle and special,perfect and cute..
Can i believe in forever for the one last time??can you protect my heart..love me and trust me..please don't ever leave me or hate me..Can i have the happiness for the one last time??please let me be myself without pretending infront of you..even if i have to hurt her..i still want to be a little selfish..have you to be my only boy without sharing with others..that's why i'm willing to wait for you to leave her..
Because of you..my selfish mindset is forgiven..my childish acts are protected..those painful heart are heal..i'm a bitch yet you still accept it..You forgive my mistakes,accept my past,heal my painful heart and protecting me..

Thank you for accepting a sinner like me..

Thank you for falling in love with me..

Thank you for showing your care for me..

Thank you for doing so much things for me..

Thank you for meeting me..

Thank you for talking to me..

Thank you for staying by my side..

Thank you for making me feel your love..

Thank you for being my only one..

Thank you for proving the forever..

Thank you for making me believe in love..once again..

Thank you for making me thinking of you..

Thank you for stealing my heart..

Thank you for letting me snatch your heart..

Thank you for holding my hand..make me feel secure..

Thank you for hugging me..make me feel the happiness..

Thank you for kissing me gentlely..make me feel how important i am..

Thank you..and i love you..and i miss you..

P.S. boy..you're my only one for now and i hope that you will really be my future husband..i give all my heart to you..=)

falling in love with you ONLY!!!!

I need someone who can love me back when i love him..
I want someone who can trust me in a relationship..
I want someone who cam protect me-i'm not that strong as i show to everyone..
I want someone who can lend me the shoulder whenever i need-i'm tired of crying alone..
I need a hand which can clear away my tear-i have much tears to drop
I need someone who can be there for me always-i will be here for him too..

Everything seem to be so difficult to fulfil,everything just going to the wrong way..=(

I've found the person who can love me back when i love him..
I've found the person who can trust me in a relationhsip..
I've found the person who can protect me ..
I've found the person who can lend me the shoulder whenever i need..
I've found the person who can clear away my tears and my fears..
I've found the person who can be there for me always..

Everything seem to be so easy to fulfil..everything just going to the smooth way..=D

I spent a long long time to forget about the bastard,yet it doesn't work..i don't believe in those words like "forever" or "last long"..however..within three days..he made my mind only think of him at all time..and i decided to believe in those words one last time yesterday..i hope i made a right choice this time..i hope i won't get hurt again..i hope this relationship can be really forever last long..because it is not a PUPPY LOVE!!..it actually took me a long time to bring myself to talk to him and all these things..
I want to treasure him..i'm willing to wait..i don't want to hurt him..i love him really much..even if we have to hurt someone else soon..

God..
please allow me to remain coma if all these things are dream..if i have to lost him one day..please wake me up before i lost him..
please allow me to have a long life time if all these things are reality..if i have to lost him one day..please make me sleep and remain coma before i lost him..
He's not the first person i seriously in love with..but he change me alot..he's too speical compare to other guys..i love him so much..
He's the first person who hold my hand after the bastard..he's the first person who kiss me made me happy after the bastard..he made me believe in those words again..he made me live in "sweet dream land"..



P.S. If i have a wish..i will wish that i could be with him forever last long..if i have two wishes..i will wish that i could hold his hand and kiss his lips forever..if i have three wishes..i will wish that i could have him,love him and miss him for the rest of my life..

fall for someone..

Today..i broke up with my boyfriend..he was angry at me for telling the class about our relationship..before i told the class..he was angry because some friends were talking about me and Clement..i wanted to make him happy therefore i told the class about the relationship yesterday..and he angry because of this..WTH????!!!!

Today..i treat my friends drinks during recess..because yesterday was my birthday..muahahh..

Ok..let's back to the topic..i fall for someone..someone who has already have a girlfriend..so i chose to asked him to be my brother instead..at least i could have reason to be close to him and care for him anytime..

I hope he would never know how much i feel about him..at least his girlfriend is better than me..in everyway..prettier than me funnier than me and nicer than me..=)



P.S. God..even thought i'm not ready for a new relationship yet..but please allow me to love the person secretly..=)

my birthday..

First of all..thanks to Wai Kian,Kenny,Ella,Kenton,Hui min,Sin Yee,Danial,Jiayan,Sabri,Denise,Nicholas,Johnathan,Wan,Nabil,Nisa,Zinc,Mich and Clement..thanks for the birthday wish message that you all sent me..i'm happy to received it from you..especially from Nabil,Dan,Clement,Johnathan and Sabri......

Today..i purposely late for school..wanted to make all of my friends worry..LOL..however..i cried..they sang happy birthday song to me when i entered the class..and gave me birthday presents..i really felt touch and cried..

Denise..thanks for the sweet and wishes..hope you could continue to find the evidence..Mich..thanks for the cake..it taste nice..i love it..Nigel and Haresh..thanks for the doll..it's really cute and i like it..Nisa..thanks for the brackle..it's really nice and pretty..Johnathan..thanks for the bottle and letter..it's really nice..Sheila..thanks for the present..its colour really nice and cute..Wan..thanks for your present too..even thought it is quite simple and cheap..but it is what i need for my life as a student..

Nabil!!!..I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU NEVER BUY!!!YOU LIED TO ME!!..i don't care liao..you're mine!!!!!!..hehe..anyway..i like the ring very much..thanks ar bi..^^..muacks..love you..and you're missed!!!!..

Phone..thanks for blanjai me makan during recess..Balaji..lol..thought you want to give me birthday batch?(whatever spelling la)..really happy today..



P.S. memories are back..i hope i could create more memories to let go the memories again..the person..phone number is 919955** de..thanks for your wish even thought the message you sent yesterday quite irritating..hahas..

Birthday Wishes:
-I wish he could found his true love
-I wish he could be happy without me
-I wish i could be happy without him
-I wish he will never turn back to me again
-I wish i won't get hurt again
-I wish i made a right choice this time
-I wish everyone will pass their end of year exam and 'o' level
-I wish everyone would be happy at all time
-I wish 3 Marskaters will be brother forever
-I wish Dan and Aminah last long
-I wish Fir and Crystal last long too
-I wish hara,Wan,Bil,Dan,Mus,Ilyas and me will be brother forever
-I wish everyone's dreams come true one day
-Last but not least..i wish i would have beautiful memories with my boy..

wa lan leh..

Today first day of term four..guess what??..I WOKE UP LATE AND HVE DETENTION ON WEDNESDAY!!!..wa lan leh..am i that poor thing??!!! haiyoyo..

Bio lesson..teacher didn't come..so have to do worksheets in class..whole class having maths lesson together..what teacher teach today was already taught..haiz..poor thing sia the Ms Zhang class pupil..doesn't know anything abour frequency..ahaha..na bei leh POA teacher late for lesson anyhow scold us somemore..

CHinese lesson quite ok la..lol..haha..today geography lesson seems to be fun a little..LOL..



P.S. birthday coming soon..wondering who is/are going to sabo me in school and after school..@@

feeling happy..

Reach home quite early today..(just reach home..lol)..went to Bugis and Orchard with Clement,Johnathan,Kenton,Bryan,Marcus and Kenny..well..kenny didn't go to Orchard with us as he have to work..anyway~

I saw Kenton jumped onto Johnathan,Clement and Bryan's back..i felt like want to do it too..so Kenton,Clement and Johnathan carried me..

I feel so high when Kenton carried me..(eh..not "that kind" of high ar..)..but i felt scare when Johnathan carried me as i scare that i might fall down..LOL..however..i feel safe when Clement carried me..the only thing i wanted to do when he's carrying me was SLEEPING!!..lol..seriously damn super comfortable..

Kenton tok my cap and Clement wear my cap today..Oh My God!!.. Clement was so cute when he's wearing my cap..oh~i think i will sleep with my cap tonight..hahas..

Clement Really cute..he's so cute and so charming..lol..he's not a smoker..hmm..IF he's my boyfriend..i will comfirm quit smoking..die die also must quit..lol..if he's my boy la..LOL..oh..missing Clement..oops..shh...

Holiday went out over night for four or five days..really happy..because Clement was there..hahas..but too bad..yesterday bryan can over night at his house and i can't..*jealous*..

Monday school start again..i will miss him really much..



P.S. Clement good luck for ur "O" level..and don't forget..you're the cutest boy in the world..^^..hope you can get into some good poly..^^..good night and sweet dream everyone..

thanks

Yesterday really thanks to my brother,Clement,Johnathan,Bryan and Kenton,i was really happy and touched..even thought it's just a small cake..i believe tht Marcus feel the same way as me..YOU GUYS ARE RCOKING MY LIFE!!!
Althought my birthday is next thursday and Marcus birthday is on next monday,but it really touched my heart and i'm really happy to have meet you guys..=)..

*****************************************************************

Yesterday my brother,Kenton,Clement,Bryan and Johnathan kepthaving "meeting" when we were walking or shopping,but didn't tell Marcus and me what they were discuss about..
We had pasta as our dinner,Bryan and Clement went off,then the rest go off too left me and Marcus there..afterwards Bryan and Kenton came back and bring us to meet the rest..when we went to upstair..i saw Johnathan,Clement and my brother stand in a circle..when Marcus and i reaching towards them..Johnathan turned around and they sang happy virthday song to Marcus and me..we were so touched..hehe..i almost cry actually..however they started to bully Marcus when Marcus and i enjoyed our cake..well..that makes me laugh..haha..the cake really nice..
After we finish the cake..my brother and Bryan want to sabo me with the dry ice on my face..lol..i think i accidentally steped on Bryan's shoes when i tried to escape..LOL...sorry Bryan..
Yesterday reached home quite early..was about 12midnight something..when i reach home..i do the housework after bath...slept around 5.30 this morning..woke up by my mom's call at around 9 o'clock..hehe..



P.S. Clement really cute sia..hehe..Johnathan and Kenny are the best kor kor i ever have..Kenton,Bryan and Marucs are rocksss!!!..

oh my god..

Today went to queensway shopping centre with my boy and my brothers..to accompany fir and dan buy present for their girlfriends..
Went to a shop..my boy asked me what kind of ring i like..i showed him the ring i like the most..then he straight away buy it sia..

*eh boy..i'm dumb..but i'm not dumb until that can't even realize that you've just bought it..*

I felt a bit touch sia..>//<..first time got a guy buy me thing straight after i said i like it..however..i think it's my birthday present..oh..i think i should bring lots of tissue next thursday..in case i really feel touch and cry..>//<..




P.S. boy..even thought we just start..but i'm really happy to have you with me..you're really nice to me..i hope we could have lots of good memories..^^..love you and miss you..^^

back2..

Friday:
Went to army open house with Mich and her friends..but she bang seh me half way..left me with her friends..however we talked alots..lol..really happy-ed..
When i was walking home..i saw him walking towards my direction..i looked to the ground..tried to pretend he wasn't there..when i turned back and looked up..he did the same too..i smiled and waved at him..he did the same too..i turned back and walked few steps then stop and turned back again looked at his back..when he went up to the MRT station..i start to walking back home..then went to find mich and cried damn out loud infront of her..hope she don't mind anyway..i wished i could moved on..that night..all the memories are back and that's so beautiful..he was ONCE mine..

Saturday: went out with friends until Sunday morning 4plus..
Well..i was enjoyed lots of fun..until i realize that i like somebody..i think it will be the one last time to go out with them..haiz..i am ready for a new relationship yet i have lose two friends just because i like that person..argh!!!

Sunday:
I've hurt my friend alot..i've been a heartless person throught the messages..since i rejected him makes him so heart broken..then i think it's better not to meet out anymore and let him hate me forever..



P.S. SHIT!..i will wait till my birthday then..!!!

风筝。断了线

风筝。断了线

词：Bevawa

日复一日 年复一年

一如往常的不安

此刻变得显眼

泪水渐渐盖住视线

原来没有你的瞬间

是这么的痛苦不堪

离开你之后的日子

情绪一直起伏不定

一段小小的争执

成了想你的回忆

风筝 断了线

诉说着对你的思念

所有的不安情绪

随着风 飞到你那里去

风筝 没了线

你不会回来我身边

回忆一幕幕浮起

我的心 又偷偷的想你

口口声声说不离开我

明明说好永远

你却不守诺言

说好会牵我的手

答应要守护我

最先离开的却是你

风风雨雨 都曾面对

即使伤痕累累

也要坚持守护那珍贵

建强忍住那滴泪

不愿成为命运的傀儡

你却让我崩溃 心碎

风筝 断了线

试着催眠倒退时间

你的身影在眼眶

随着类 划过了脸庞

风筝 没了线

你不在我身边

没人告诉我怎么笑

天空中 风筝随风飘

离开 是不得已

等待 是个约定

回忆 是思念你的理由

断了线的风筝 随着微风

将这首歌传到你心中

对你的思念 感受得到吗？

对你的亏欠 可以原谅吗？

对你的爱情 可以继续吗？

对你的心意 可以感觉吗？

自私的我可以继续偷偷喜欢你吗？

P.S. damn it..i still love him.....argh!!!!

eh.....

Mich got fever in the morning..so she didn't come to school today..haiz..must take care ya````
Hahas..CHANDRA WU!!who say girls cannot use guys' perfum ar??adidas is not mean for guys only wan..girls also can use..hahas..

Well..back to the diary part..today is my father's birthday..i message to him to wish him happy birthday..he sound happy..and happy birthday in advance to my little brother-Imran..=D..sorry ar..this year no birthday present as i have to wait until Oct then can get my pocket money..><..

Hmm..i use to hate-d my father alot..as he cheated on my mom last time..and he hurt me alot in both physical and emotional..he change-d me into a different person from the original..and i hate that kind of me..

However..it's no use to hate him for the rest of my life already..isn't it?..no matter how long i hate him and curse him..he will always be there care for me and love me even thought he's not here with me..

He's the only person who forgive me for my mistakes..he always be there for me..i love him..yes..i love my father..my only dearest father..



P.S. Daddy..happy 43 birthday..daddy thanks for everything you've done for me..if not you..i think i won't be so trong now..if not you..i think i will cry for nothing easily..daddy..i miss you..daddy..i love you..i will be strong..because i believe that if i break down one day..and i turn back to the old place..you will be there wait for me..thanks daddy..thanks for everything..you will be my daddy always..^^..promise me MUST be happy..please don't hrut the one you love if you found one one day..

T.T

Yoday after school was hanging around with Dan,Bil,Mus,Ilyas,Fir and two sec2 boys..

Fir asked me what if Sab want me back..my answer was "wait until my birthday lor"..

Just now..i msg to Fir that if Sab want me back seriously not for fun..I'm willing to be his baby girl again..but the fact is that he really have no more feeling for me..

I've delete his number and his pictures..from now on..he's only my classmate..but don't expect me to talk to him for whatever reason..i won't even say "hi" to him..everything i know about him is that he's Sab from 3/4..that's all..



P.S. Please be kind and accept it before it's too late if i show my attitude..

huhuhu

WTH!!!..busy for alot of things sia..make mi can't spend time with my friends..><..well..church stuffs really quite alot..haiz..

Recently..i've been a weird person..going to toilet pee for many many time in the middle of the night..really can't sleep in the night..however i could sleep for quite a long time in the morning and afternoon..i could sleep whenever i do whatever stuffs..haiz..

Damn it..i really get piss off damn easily..haiz..i just don't know why..hoe i wish i would know..

I think i really like kids so much..i get excited whenver i past by the shop for kids..i mean those shops which selling kids' clothes and toys..=D..

OMG!!..am i so excited to be a mother????..LoL..well..still have a long way to go..hahs..

Got a good new!!..my eyesight is decresing instead of increasing..hahs..yesah!!!..well..i just doing what i should do..hahas..and my sister's eyesight is increasing..lol..see la!!..want to play computer more than me??go ahead!!..LoL..



P.S. tomorrow is the one last chance..giving up after that..=)

ha!!

Got a new god brother again..ahahas..he bought a new shirt for me yesterday as my birthday present..muahahaha..so good to have a brother like him..^^..

I've been so crazy these few weeks..(three weeks plus)..hmm..first of all..everyone who close to me should know that i'm kind of person who doesn't know how to say NO..so when my church-mate give me some works..i will say ok ok and finish it on time..school homework i always finish in school during recess or some boring lessons..i really tired as i only slept for one or two hours per day..so i totally sleep less than ten hours per WEEK!!..FUCKING HELL!!!!..i just couldn't sleep at all..my mind full of nonsense and stupid stuffs..

Haiz..now..even i walking i also can feel sleepy..even i standing in the MRT train..i also can fall asleep fucking easy..this morning i just walking fast to the church from my house..and guess what??..i fall asleep and almost fall down..(sleep or faint i don't know la..i only know that i alsmost fall down)..stupid mi sia..><




P.S. damn it....

100%

20% of the air is oxygen

50% of the forest is trees

70% of the earth is water

90% of the love is tears

100% of my life is YOU

P.S. i miss you..once again..memories are back..

it's enough...

Well..i will be single for now..will start to have a new boyfriend on my birthday which is on 17th September..before my birthday come..i have to settle everything and relax a little..i feel too stress to think about relationship,church,school and family at the same time..since relationship is the main reason..then i will give up then..also give him sometimes to think..as long as he want since he said he need time to think..

I've said to him whatever i want to say..i think it's better for us to be friend and brother like we used to..we'll consider about this relationship again when he have think throught it and confirm with me one day..

Today i cried..everything just so pop out and so du lan..a super fucking best friend of mine in taiwan pass away because of the stupid fucking dumb typhoon..my mom is being crazy as she keep asking me to do ALL the housework every nights..she even wake me up to do the housework in the middle of the night..she never ask my sister to do..the reason is my sister is tired..WTH!!..my churchmates also pushing all the things to me..that really make me piss off..and finally i cried..well..crying like hell better than break down and be emo..right??

Dan..sorry to make you worry..i promise i won't do stupid stuffs to my body again..i promise i will be happy and smiling everything..i will try my best to smile even if it hurts..

Siti..thanks for being my listening ear..really thanks alot..

Crystal..thanks for being my listening ear and giving me lots of advice..

Mich..sorry i really piss off today..sorry for shouting at you..

Bil..i really never punch Siti!!..><..i don't beat girls..instead of beating or punching a girl i rather punching or beating a guy..because guy more strong..hahas..

Haraboy..congratulation..we've come to the end..we've been together for one month one week and one day..i will give you time to think..as long as you want..you can tell me your answer anytime..by then we'll consider about this relationship again..



P.S. daddy..i've let you down..please stop being so nice to me..please..don't make me feel more and more guilty..you're the best and perfect father..i've forgive you or your mistake..because i've done a biggest mistake..yet you still forgive me..daddy..i really miss you..please..don't be so nice to me..please take care..daddy please take good care of yourself..

tiring la!!!

Friday:
after school went home online awhile and doing the church stuffs..then went out to meet my mom at suntec city after took a bath..went to suntec buying something that my mom wanted to buy..after that walking to city hall took bus to yishun to had dinner..and walking around north point..fortunately never meet him..haha!!..when we reach home was about 11 something..then my mom asked me to wash plates,throw rubbish,wash the cloths,clean the floor,take hte clothes and other stuffs..i slept around 5.30am something..@@

Saturday:
woke up at 9.30am..only get to sleep for four hours..my mom brought my sister and i went to meet her friends at little india..we get to know this auntie name Lisa which same name with my mom..she bought a cake and comic book for my sister when she heard that Sunday is my sister's birthday..she treat us to eat ice cream at plaza singapura..around 4pm my mom brought us to Toa Pahyo then took bus 88 to her friend house-uncle Ben..his youngest daughter one year old birthday..i drank and eat there until about 9.30pm..then we took bus 109 to serangoon interchange..i kept telling my mom that take MRT fater..but she refused listen..we ended up reach home at 11.54pm as she wanted to take bus 100 from the interchange..her reason was because MRT station is too far..but actually quite near..
well..same thing..she asked me to do lots of things when we reach home..by the time i finish everything and finish shower..was already 3am plus..>^<

Sunday:
woke up at 6.30am..only get to sleep for about three hours..because today my sister and i got work to do during mass..so we have to wake up damn super early and go to church..phew~lucky my church near my house..hehe..because total only get to sleep for about seven hours..so i was slept in the church during mass..hahas..
today my sister's birthday..went to tiong bahru plaza after legion meeting..we had lunch there..then we head to west coast plaza to buy cake and shopping!!!..hahas..
however..all our friends are busy today and raining..can't get to meet my basket ball friends..so we are going to celebrate tomorrow night..if tomorrow night no raining..i might get to meet my basket ball friends and invite them to join the celebration i think..hehe..hope the unlucky god come tomorrow..hahas..long time never see him liao le..
hmm..there's so many people giving my sister hong bao..so many people care about my sister..so many people concern about her..and my mom spend so much money for her cake and lots of things..can see that how important my sister is..hehe..well..evil mi a little jealous actually..i understand..i'm older than my sister..i should be independence..i just hope that my mom could remember my birthday without anyone remind..



P.S. haraboy..tomorrow one last chance..i miss you by the way..

i will wait..

Heard from Haraboy's sister that her handphone no balance..Haraboy wanted to call me to give me the answer but his handphone got problem and so last night he never give me answer..i thought he don't want to give answer and so i silent break with him..haiz..

What a careless girlfriend i am..hmm..but i will wait..wait till monday..message cannot..call also cannot and face to face also pai seh..then write on the paper la..i told his sister to told Haraboy that write on paper..write everything he want to say to me then pass to me on monday..however i just consider myself as single lor..hehe..

Tonight will be a busy night..will be out to suntec city at 5pm..going to Yishun at 8pm..properly reach home at around 10 or 11something..argh!!..Basket Ball!!!!..




P.S. Haraboy..i really miss you..damn it..it seems that he's back to my mind again..

secret place

Today after school went to a place with mich..well..i can't say where it is as this is the seret place where only me and mich know..

Mich was crying infront of me because of the messages which sent by a bitch..i asked mich for the number and so i scolded and insulted the bitch throught sms..well..i just hope that she won't disturb mich anymore as i don't wish to see her cry again..

I was telling mich that i think instead of feeling confuse about the relationship between me and my boy..i rather choose to continute to be his brother..one month and four days together..we still 100% clean..well..it's good but i just feel that it's totally same as friend..so i told mich that if he stil don't give me answer today..i will take it as silent break and tomorrow onwards find a new boyfriend..either patch back with my ex or woo after my crush..hehehe..

I also message to my kor and bil about my decision..kor was keep saying "up to u"..well..i don't really get what he mean..

I sent bil 3 messages..1st one was about my number and my boy and i..2nd one was about my decision after i break with my boy and 3rd one was telling him who are my crush..he didn't reply after i sent the 2nd and 3rd messages..i thought he was angry for the 3rd messages..so i message him saying sorry and hope he won't angry at me..hahas..guess what?..he didn't receive the 2nd and 3rd messages..phew~lucky..because i can't imagine my life if he angry at me..

Well..what to do since i put my friends and brothers before me..no one can insult and bully my friends and my brothers without my permission..that's my bad habit..LOL..



P.S. Haraboy..i'm serious to u..serious about 20-30% in the begginning..but now i don't know..i just hope that i haven't serious to u 100% as i don't want to get hurt anymore..so i think it's better to end it and be brother again before it becomes 100%..

LoL..just another day..

Sunday:
Went down played basket ball with my sister and her friend..met this guy accidentally..he's such a cute and funny guy..LoL
I invited him to join us for games..he joined us of course..LoL..then his friend came to join us too..his other friends came to the basket ball court after my sister's friend left..and so my sister and i played with those guys..
They asked me for number before i left..and so i did give them..making new friends mahss..well..i'm not flirting but making new friends..i'm fairthful to my boy de wor..hehe..

Monday:
Went down played basket ball with them again..hahas..what a funny guy he is..LoL..well..everything just same as Sunday..we played basket ball..but the only thing different is that my sister never join us..@@..

Today:
Plan to go down at 5.30..however i was playing online game until about six o'clock..haiz..then now lazy to go down..hmm..maybe later go down roller blade..=D..right now have to wait for my mom's friend to come to my house to use the computer to do stuffs..sian dao~~~...

Well..school life??..hahas..basically just as usual..took 51 bus wondering if can meet mich on the bus..however she missed the bus..T^T..

Was thinking that the Maths test would be difficult..and so i lazy to study..wodering if i could fail..LOL..but!!..the paper quite easy actually..i will pass i think..hahas..Didn't pay much attention during english actually..was passing paper with Dan..hahas..Kuih Lapis!!!..xD..Chemistry test on thursday..bringing text book home..i hope i could spend sometimes to study..because i think i would do well for the test IF i have study..however..the fact is that i LAZY to study..LoL..Finally i brought Geography text book..LOL...ahhas..should i organize a party to celebrate??!!..lol..and ART quite boring today as we draw for three periods..(test mahss)..

Everything just fine today..but Nab is drving me crazy as in hes making me angry..went to detention area to find him to pass him english and chemistry notes..he wasn't there..wondering if he's in the canteen..Sab suddenly told me that Nab is at the general office..oh..i only realize he's there when he told me where Nab is..LoL..was going to forget him de sey..i rushed down to find him the minute i heard that Nab was sick..i asked Mrs Koh if Nab really sick..so she brought me to see Nab..i passed the notes to Nab and scolded him for not taking care of himself..haiz..

Nab went up to detention area when he feel a little better..and i scolded him again.."feeling a 'little' better only..should rest more larhh..if not later get worst!!!" i said..but he just don't care..haiz..just hope that he's fine..so i won't get more and more worried..



P.S. Nab,MUST take care of urself okay??..don't come to school and rest at home if u are not feeling well..okay??..please stop making me worried..i've told u many times must take care of urself..if not..u know what i gonna do right??..

P.S. Haraboy..i miss you once again..haiz..why are we still behaving like a friend??..one month already but no different from friend..i'm tired of this..please don't confuse me..if u treat me like a friend please just be my friend..if u treat me more like a friend..then please..show me ur action..

drawings..=D

the fox drawing above is drawn by me..

i was so angry and so i draw this whatever fox..LoL..

done by Aung last year..

hehe..love this emo drawing lots..

drawn by Kiwi recently..
Lwin Phone & Nigel Ang
Haraboy & Wawagirl
Holdpuncher & Kiwi
hehehe..
well..Phone and Nigel are best friend only..
Haraboy and me,Kiwi and holdpuncher are couples..
LoL..love this drawing lotss too..thanks ar Kiwi..
but..Haraboy is black skin de..>//<..



P.S. Haraboy..i miss you..can't wait for monday..

@@

Well..almost late for school today..as usual..lo0king at my boy..>v<..oh~i should explain about yesterday..hahas..

heard from Mich something about that bastard..i was kind of shocked..but then after a thought..i think it's good wan..hahas..it didn't affect me that much..but Mich keep thinking that i will be emo and cut myself..LoL..don't worry Mich..i won't cut myself as i have my boy..=D

Finally get rid of him from my mind yesterday..however Chua messaged me..we had a conversation throught sms and so on..and so and that's why we have a deal..hahas..waiting for ur prove ar Chua!!!..

Yesterday..after hearing the something from Mich..my mind just get rid of him..however..now is my boys turn to stay in my mind..>v<..

Don't really want to come to school today..because of POA test..but if i don't go..i can't meet my boy..then i will be very sad..

Hahas..i love the place we sit today..i can keep looking at my boy without teacher notice..hahas..i think boy really tired as he slept in class today..hehe..

Today CEd stil teaching about "sex"..LoL..must she write the name start with J??..haiz..but the most funniest thing is that fish has ruin J's impression in my heart..LOL..Chua,Cary and Kiwi were trying to call my name so that i could be volunteer to act..hahas..but Chua kena during the second activity..oh..STI!!!!..LoL..

English lesson didn't pay much attention as teacher only told us the tips to score mark for oral exam..i was kept looking at my boy and thinking of something else..oii oii..not dirty things ar..lol..was thinking what i going to do if i go back to Taiwan..

POA test..i anyhow do..all my answers are wrong i know that..because i really felt sleepy the minute i got the paper..LoL..fortunately..can have a rest..@@..

PE lesson was fun..was playing badminton with Minimouse,Chua,XY and Ziq..LoL..Ziq is so funny..even thought he only joined us for few minutes..><..that bastard la..come up to hall for what?!!..cannot see Ziq was playing wiht us ar..called him for what..haiyoyo..

During Chinese..teacher used the first period to teach us what to do..and second lesson we start to do the letter writing..well..i ACCDENTALLY finish in about ten minutes..then Teacher gave me homework..and ONCE AGAIN i ACCDENTALLY finish in about five minutes..so i fall asleep..hahas..

After school i rushed to West Coast Plaza to change my clothes..planed to go to find my mom..because i need to extend my passport..haiz..if not i have to go back to Taiwan to extend or no need to come back..however she last minute told me change another day as she's busy today..WA LAO!!!..never mind..i forgive her..

Nab called me when i was waiting for bus..he said he was around Clementi West..i wanted to meet him..but he said he only stay for a few minutes..haiz..therefore i go home..and so right now i'm at home..

Oh my God!!..i'm at home!!..LOL..



P.S. boy..i miss you..i love you..i don't mind what others think..i just want to be your girl..not forever..but as long as we're together..=)

giving up??

Giving up??oh yes..still trying to giving up somebody in my heart..i've try my best to forget about the somebody but it seem doesn't work..

Wrote the memories on papers and tear it again and again..papers so easy to tear however the memories still in my mind..so difficult to forget..

Deleted his number and save it again and again..number is so easy to delete and save..but those memories..difficult..really difficult to delete from my mind..

Found a boyfriend..wondering if he could help me to forget about him..however i still treating him like a friend..even thought i do have feeling for him..but the feeling isn't strong enough for me to forget about him..

It's really hurts..wondering does it help to forget about him if i give up my life..he won't care anymore..isn't it...

Giving up??my life??oh yes..trying to do the last step..if it still doesn't work..i think i have to give up..i don't want to waste my whole life to love him..love someone who used to loved me so much and yet hurt me the most too..



P.S. still forcing myself to smile even thought it hurts......

busy sunday..

Yesterday morning went to church attend legion meeting..after the meeting rushing to another church at City Hall attend meeting..sia la..lost my voice..so Mag have to read everything..LoL..sorry Mag..

After the meeting i went home put all my stuffs down and mom brought me out for lunch..then we went home i helped her do her work for church..@@..

At night went to my mom's boss' son's cousin's wedding..most of them are indian and malay..so many kids there also..i was so happy hahas..however the bosses of my mom couldn't regconise me when i was saying hello to them..LoL..heard that there's another wedding on November..is my mom's boss' son's wedding..hehe..his girlfriend is so pretty..argh~how i wish i could get married soon..haha..LoL..




P.S. i did smile at all time even thought it hurts..

wth..

I really feel heart broken..all the memories just come out so easily..i really regret to break..how i wish i don't be so thick skin to say "I love U" when he ask for break..i want him back..i really want him back to my side..i want to stay under his protection again..really want to be his one and only baby girl again..damn it..but it's too late and useless to regret isn't it?

I'm so sad..i jsut can't stop crying after i lose him..i just can't get rid of him from my mind..how i wish those memories are beautiful dreams and stupid imaginations..it's so hard for me to forget even thought i kept telling myself that those memories aren't true..i delete his number and save his number again and again..how i wish i could kena car accident and lost the memories..

Right now..i'm willing to do anything as long as i could forget about him since he will never ever come back to my side..

Every night walking around tanglin halt..wondering if i could accidentally meet him..but God disappointed me again and again..

I seriously love him damn much..i don't know how much i love h im..the only thing i know is that he's controllling my feeling,my mind,my thought,my mood and everything..i pray so hard that he won't come to school everyday..but i feel sad and worry when he didn't turn up in school..i want to see him everyday..however i kept lying to myself that i hate him i don't want to see him..i pretend to be happy when i heard he got a new girlfriend..but deep in my heart really hurts..

I really can't take it anymore..it's hurts..it really hurts me alots..

I really don'y know what to do..what i can do is to cry alone and force myself to smile when there's people around even thought it really hurts so much..



P.S. boy..you're hurting me..do you know that????

tell me..

Tell me those memories aren't real..

Tell me you never love me..

Tell me those sweet memories are dreams..

Tell me you don't love at all..

Tell me better give up on you..

Tell me..please..tell me..

HAIR Q!!!!

losing my voice soon..T^T..

P.S. i'm missing somebody that i shouldn't miss..and i miss my boy too..i am confusing..and i need him to stay by my side now...gona sleep..good night..have a nice weekend..

well..i cried infront of ppl..

Today..went out with Mich n her boi..i cried infront of her..because of something..



simple...




P.S. i really have nothing to say....

m(_ _)m *bow n give up*

If he like me as a friend only..if he still have no feeling for me..please let us be friend instead of boyfriend and girlfriend..i want him to reply SOON!!!

I have to wait for another day if he never reply today..then the only thing i have to do is wait wait wait and wait..=(

I don't want to force him to like me..i don't expect him to treat me as girlfriend..but since there's nothing else to talk about when we stead..then i think it's better for us to be friend..

If he really like me..he should do something..he should make the first move..but then i know that he stead with me is not because he like me..so since he have no feeling for me..i should end it early and be friend before its too late..

He's a good brother and good friend..i don't want we end up enermy or stranger like my previous relationship (the S couple)..

The distance between friend with friend is good enough for me..at least i could touch his shouder and talk to him normally if we are friend..but now we just like.....argh!!..the word can describe is.."SLOW"..

Haiz..i do serious to this relationship..because i want to give myself a chance..i do like him..i do have feeling for him..like i said..we only stead for two weeks plus..i'm still not sure i like or i love him..have to wait till one month together..but if i found out that i love him but then he still have no feeling for me..i will be hurt again..and i don't think i will acept another relationship again..



P.S. Haraboy..i miss you right now..i do serious to u and i do have feeling for you..however i don't dare to love you till our one month together..because i scare i might get hurt again..please reply me as soon as possible can?..please stop saying,"i don't know"..if you really have no feeling..just say ok..if you do have feeling..please also tell me and promise me don't hurt me..ok..

so sian..

well..recently..night walk alone everyday..hmm..yesterday was with my mom and my sister..honestly..they're quite lame and boring..kept making me angry..so irritating..i have nothing to say about my lame weekend..@@..


P.S. being brothers are always better than being boyfriend and girlfriend..

silent break...

This whole week is like damn funny and quite stupid..Monday i came to school but haraboy didn't come..tuesday i MC but haraboy come..if i listen to doctor that MC two days..i think i won't get to see him on wednesday..then Thursday and Friday he didn't come also..

Well..i'm tired of it actually..didn't contact me at all..what the hell sia..hmm..so if next week i only get to see him for less than three days..i think i gonna silent break with him..because he's like showing that he still have feeling for her..i don't want to force him to like me..and i think it's better for us to be friend..at least we got lots of stuffs to talk when we are friend..=)

P.S. haraboy..maybe we aren't mean to be together..

it shouldn't end..

Things shouldn't end without my permission..it shouldn't end this way..it shouldn't end now..

Aren't we had promised each other forever? aren't we promised to wait? aren't we promised we'll fulfil it? aren't things go smoothly? but why things change so sudden??

Today i read FF's blog and tried to find out what is going on from XB..heard that FF fought with XW just because of vulgarities..it's like..what the hell??? we talk to each other with vulgarities for so many years..there's nothing wrong right?? it's like vulgarities is part of our communication..but why XW just get angry because of it..somemore FF was scolded someone else with vulgarities..and that someone is some idiot who dare to slap XW on the bus..an idiot stranger who we don't really know who the hell is that..

FF and XW has been friend for Six years..i believe that they know it..three of us has been friends for six years..please don't ask me to help any one of you as i don't want to hurt both of you..what i want is just so simple..i want both of you to patch..don't waste the friendship..keep the promises still and let things back to normal..ok?? we had many quarrels when i was still in Taiwan..yes..we've broke up for so many times..however we patch up at last isn't it? so i hope both of you do the same as what i did with FF/XW last time..broke up? never mind..patch up and make things start all over again and back to normal..=)


P.S. haraboy..got math test coming soon..remember to study hard..i miss you..^^

in the process of..

I'm in the process of quit smoking..few days never smoke..does really feel unwell and lost of control..as in a way that i gone crazy..i just get excited and happy suddenly..but when i calm down i relize how tired am i after being "crazy"..

LoL..it's really quite tiring when i keep laughing..even thought i feel sad whenever i think about my friends..i laugh when i happy..i laugh when i sad..i laugh when i angry..trying to cover the dark side of me..it's really super tired..

I'm in the process of going throught some problems..it's two weeks plus already..but i still cannot gte rid of this accident from my mind..i always dream about the past with all my friends every nights..i can't stop thinking about their laughter,voice and everything..they are so important to me that i still can't accept the fact..

I drew a pic..a girl which is me..was smiling but tears dropping while looking at the broken cross under the eclipse..cross will never break..ya..it's true..but my heart can break..isn't it..

I am angry with my life as i've made a lot of wrong choices and done a lot of wrong things..

I am happy with my life as i've met true friends and we're so important to each other..

I am feeling sad with my life as i couldn't protect anyone who is important to me..

I feel guilty with my life as i didn't treasure myself that much..i always put others before me..my life isn't important at all..the world will still running even if i die..

Well..what can i do even thought i know all these things?..i can't change isn't it..i am who i am..i can't change..what's done has done..no one can change it..


P.S. haraboy..i miss you again..

Eclipse

Yesterday got eclipse..anyone saw it???

hehehaha..

well..i'm am not the one who took this picture..

this is from my friend in taiwan..

he know i will love this lotssssssssssssss..

well..here's our conversation..^^..

our conversation was in chinese..

i've tried my best to translate into english..>v<

JYX: did you see the eclipse this morning?

Stella: no..><..i got detention for the whole day..

JYX: indoor de ar?

Stella: no..outdoor..but then the sky doesn't change..but the weather super cool de say..

JYX: oh..you like it?

Stella: i was so excited to see it for the whole night and morning you know!!!!

JYX: hahas..told you come back to taiwan ma..

Stella: why?i told you i will go back when it's time for me to go back..=)

JYX: i went to shen mei primary school this morning..

*shen mei primary school was my primary school too* ^^

Stella: oh..so???what's your point??

JYX: we are so lucky!!..we saw the eclipse you know??!!

Stella: >"<..unfair la!!..what kind of brother are you sia!!..never buy me ticket to go back..

JYX: hahas..i took a picture of it..you want?

Stella: don't want..i want to take the picture myself..

JYX: hahas..but have to wait for a long time wor..

Stella: argh!!..don't want..you turn back the time la..hahas..

JYX: wei! i am human ok..i don't know how to turn back the time..

Stella: chi..not fun la you..

JYX: you sure you don't want the picture?

Stella: don't want..

JYX: sure?

Stella: hmm... ... ... ... ... ...

JYX: ok la ok la..i send you right now..

Stella: hehehe..you still can read my mind..

JYX: how long do we know each other le?

Stella: primary one the first sight..^^

JYX: =//= i mean "know" not "crush"..!!!!!

Stella: oh..hmm..i think is after summer holiday..

JYX: how long le ar?

Stella: hmm..years..

JYX: ya la!!..we know each other for so long..you think i still cannot read your mind??

Stella: hehehe..

JYX: by the way..

Stella: ya?

JYX: i'm still finding the picture..

Stella: *angry* so long?? don't trick me ar..never take say never take la..

JYX: shut up! King Kong!!

Stella: = =..

JYX: ok ok..don't angry..

*i closed the window and stop chatting with him..*

JYX: i found the picture..

Stella: =)..=D..finally!!

*he sent me the picture and we start our conversation again..*

the rest of the conversation are private..

hehe..by the way..

the eclipse really nice huh..

muekekeke..

i hope i could see it myself one day..=)

happy that he still can read my mind..

lol..

P.S. i hope haraboy can see it too..i want to show him the picture too..^^..lotss people saw it and say it's nice..OF COURSE la..LOL..

NAFA test 2.4km

NAFA test got position 30 seh..should be pass i think..haiya..tomorrow see the result will know liao..hehe..

I hope i pass..because i've put in lots effort..didn't smoke for about a week..didn't eat much before the test..didn't drink much before the test..and my useless left leg was "being naughty"..

This morning my left leg went numb suddenly when i was walking down the staircase to the bus stop taking bus to school..i fell down..= =..stupid me right?~~~

Today during recess..i went back to class to take my maths homework..and my left leg numb again..really quite stupid right?

During PE..kena bullied by a sec one boy name E something..he's my sister's primary school class-mate..he said wanted to pass me the ball..when he came to me..he just threw the ball far away and said,"go pick up doggy"..i was angry and chased after him after i picked up the ball..however my left leg numb again..so prevent falling down make teacher and friends worry..i stop running and tried to use right leg to hold on to it..= =..

When i run the 2.4..i think the 4th or 5th round..my left leg numb again when i decided to speed up..i almost fall down seriously..but luckily i stepped out the right leg and started to walk..however i realize that my heart couldn't take it..so i tried to calm myself down and let my stupid left leg get back normal again..

Well..just hope that my left leg will be "guai" and i could pass my 2.4..=)..


P.S. haraboy never come to school today..wawagirl missing him so much..=(..but i did pay attention in class wor..^^

smoking..

Today someone asked me that why i like to smoke..there should be at least one reason for me to smoke..i smiled say nothing..but in my mind..i kept asking myself why..

Oh..i cried..because it's part of the memories..part of the past..part of the beautiful memories..

Because of smoking..i understand what's friendship..i believe in forever..i found true friends..and most of the memories with them are smoking,fighting and drinking clubing..

When i tried to quit..i posted it on my wretch..they read it and kept giving comments saying that i have give up on them,give up the dream and give up everything..it's better if i die..

I feel happy everytiem when i smoking..because it makes me think of them and the memories get clearer and clearer..

I don't really want to quit smoking as it means that i have to give up on them..

But because of today incident..i think i really need to quit smoking as it is not good for my health..if i quit..i could save enough money as soon as possible to go back to taiwan meet all of them and fulfil our dream..=)


P.S. haraboy didn't come to school today..wondering if he's fine..miss you the whole day..

haiyo...

Sunday Michelle say so..Just now..my brother - danny say the same thing too as he saw the pictures in his handphone..damn it!!!..is he trying to confuse me????????..or trying to be a "hero"????????!!!!!..

Oh gosh!!..

If U still like me..

then i dare you!!!

do something to win me back!!!

if U don't like me anymore..

then don't make people think another way!!!

i don't know how many people has think that way..

but please just be more mature!!!

and make ur own decision this time!!!

如果時間可以倒回去

如果時間可以回到小學

我會選擇留下來

這樣的話

我就不會想他們想到發瘋了

如果時間可以回到小學四年級初次與他相遇

我會選擇接受他

這樣的話

我們或許就有永遠了

如果時間可以回到當初在地鐵站愛上他的時候

我會選擇把愛隱藏在心里

這樣的話

至少現在的我們會像朋友般的說話

如果時間可以回到見不到他的假日

我會選擇自動去找他

這樣的話

我們就不會分開

他就不會感到沒安全感了

如果時間可以回到當初他對我說他愛我的時候

我會選擇緊抱著他一輩子不放開

這樣的話

我們就不會變成陌生人了

如果時間可以倒回去

一切就會不一樣了

如果我可以

可是我不行

這就是為什么我這么愛Hara

即使我不知道我們會在一起多久

我還是情不自禁地愛上他

一天比一天

還要深 還要痛

可是

還是比不上對Sabri的心

我

快要

崩潰了

我

還深愛著Sabri

但也愛著Hara